So, things keep happening that are awesome and amazing and special to us. About a week ago or so, my brother in law John posted a link to a song from a singer/songwriter that went to our school in Germany back in the 80's. I know that John has good taste in music and the song was called "Beautiful Life" which also struck me as relevant, so I clicked on the link.
As I watched the video for the song, I began to feel some pretty raw emotions coming through. I could feel the heart of the artist in her voice, I could hear the sincerity in her performance and I could immediately relate to the lyrics. The outpouring of emotion that I had was perfect for the time. This was only about a week or so after Heidi had passed and I was struggling a bit.
I re-posted and shared the link to her video on Facebook and figured that was the end of it. Well, since then, Jennifer Appelquist has reached out to me to tell me the story of her song. It is a great story and so touching to me. I figure that it will also be to some of you, so wanted to share it again here, along with her story so you can relate to it now the way I do.
Here is her note to me from earlier today.
=======begin Jennifer's Note======snip=====
So..beautiful life..the song..I felt I had to share because your experience is so close to the essence of why I wrote it..here it goes..
I have played music with a friend by name of Aaron, for over 10 years who lost his mother to cancer at 15. I never met her but even so she has touched my life in many ways. Aaron's father gave me a silk shawl as a Christmas present few years back that belonged to Tamara (Aaron's mom). It was a beautiful gift and one evening I was at home alone sitting at the piano lights off candles lit, and I threw on the shawl just because...
What proceeded to happen was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had songwriting. I literally felt like a vessel for her story. I thought about them and their love for each other as husband and wife, I thought about them dancing and laughing at a much more innocent time in their life..I thought of the pain involved in losing each other but the celebration of their love and beautiful life together.
I almost don't even feel like I wrote the song, it came with such ease and perfection both lyrically and musically, .. I feel like she spoke her story through me and I am so grateful for it.
She had this amazing red hair and lines like "he looked for her in everything pure and when shades of red filled the sky, he thinks that's her way of saying hey babe, I miss you up here tonight" just flowed..as did "she left this world like a butterfly girl in search of colors divine."
Anyway, I am not sure why I felt like sharing the back story, as I don't know you personally or your story except through your beautiful blog and the lovely John T, but perhaps this is part divine intervention and perhaps her way of saying "hey babe" to you :-)
It is a bittersweet song and I am honored that it has touched you. Listen to it as often as you like.
=====snip====end Jennifer's note to me========
I asked for and received her permission to post her note and a link to the song. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I do. If you know me, you know that I love music, especially live, original music. I have always supported the art and I hope you will share her music with those that you care about. The best thing for a musician is to be able to make a living doing the thing that they love to do and have been gifted with. I believe that Jennifer is gifted, and I hope she will be able to do this for her own beautiful life and make her living doing it.
Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrMup0Ynx5g
All the best...more from Hawaii.
Peace,
Bill
Monday, October 12, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Fear and Parenthood
Fear is an interesting thing. A while ago, I said "Fear seems to have left me." Which is mostly true. It's not like I have shrunk from challenge in my life because of fear, but certainly there has been some level of it smoldering under my decision making canopy over the years, whether it be professionally or personally. Sometimes fear is healthy, sometimes it is good. Sometimes it can be extremely destructive or at least counterproductive.
Over the past couple of years, I have made a conscious decision to "not fear anything." At least not for more than a brief period of time, which may be considered terror anyhow, not fear. In the face of certain loss, you realize that fear is generally counterproductive. In the face of death, you realize that fear is useless.
As I pondered my recent trip to see U2 in Atlanta, a bit of fear snuck in...what if...a plane crash, a car crash...something bad might happen and then where would the girls be? Well, you can either be paralyzed by these types of thoughts or you can feel them and then let them go.
None of us knows when our time is up. I'm not saying I will live my life recklessly, for I know I have more responsibility now than ever, but nor will I shrink from opportunity, adventure, productivity or life in general because I fear a possible future.
As you probably know by now, I went to Atlanta, I spent good quality time with great friends, had a fortunate meeting on the plane with an ex hospice grief counselor and learned some great ideas, went to cool places, got in the Georgia Dome with 90,000 like-minded fans, got a pass to get on the floor (Fedexed in from one of Heidi's dear friends from college) and when U2 opened up, I was 20 feet from the stage. I held my arm up in the air with "4 Heidi" scrawled on it and cried during Walk On. By myself, yet surrounded, I felt somehow comforted in the throng of humanity and the warmth of the message that the song provides.
The Girls and I are all going to Hawaii. We will take Heidi with us and we will let her go where she wanted. A lot of you have contributed to this journey and we will live it. We will love it for whatever it is, and I will write about it too, so you can share it with us. We continue to thank you and to be thankful for you.
Peace,
B.
Over the past couple of years, I have made a conscious decision to "not fear anything." At least not for more than a brief period of time, which may be considered terror anyhow, not fear. In the face of certain loss, you realize that fear is generally counterproductive. In the face of death, you realize that fear is useless.
As I pondered my recent trip to see U2 in Atlanta, a bit of fear snuck in...what if...a plane crash, a car crash...something bad might happen and then where would the girls be? Well, you can either be paralyzed by these types of thoughts or you can feel them and then let them go.
None of us knows when our time is up. I'm not saying I will live my life recklessly, for I know I have more responsibility now than ever, but nor will I shrink from opportunity, adventure, productivity or life in general because I fear a possible future.
As you probably know by now, I went to Atlanta, I spent good quality time with great friends, had a fortunate meeting on the plane with an ex hospice grief counselor and learned some great ideas, went to cool places, got in the Georgia Dome with 90,000 like-minded fans, got a pass to get on the floor (Fedexed in from one of Heidi's dear friends from college) and when U2 opened up, I was 20 feet from the stage. I held my arm up in the air with "4 Heidi" scrawled on it and cried during Walk On. By myself, yet surrounded, I felt somehow comforted in the throng of humanity and the warmth of the message that the song provides.
The Girls and I are all going to Hawaii. We will take Heidi with us and we will let her go where she wanted. A lot of you have contributed to this journey and we will live it. We will love it for whatever it is, and I will write about it too, so you can share it with us. We continue to thank you and to be thankful for you.
Peace,
B.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
A prayer from the heart....
No matter how strong your faith, you can always hope for a sign...a sign that someone is there, a sign that they are in a better place, a sign that they are with you in spirit...
The scene is dinner last night at the kitchen table. Myself, the Girls, Uncle Clyde and Grand Pop. A few days ago I taped some of Heidi's photo cards from the funeral services together to make a circle of her photos around a small sunflower arrangement on our table. this circle is flanked by candles to light up her beautiful face.
Jillian (8 y.o) asked to say "the pray" (grace) before dinner and so she got the honor. She said "Dear God, If I could just have a sign that Mommy is in a better place." This simple prayer left me somewhat astounded, as it was sort of out of the blue for her. She had not spoken with me about signs or directly about any of the events that we have been talking about around here. Clearly, she has overheard some of us talking over the past few days about "coincidences vs. Godincidences", as my Dad likes to call them.
After the prayer I told her...they are all around us Jilli, you just have to keep your eyes and your mind open.
Well, about halfway through dinner, one of the lit candles began to spark up 2, 3, 4, 5 inches and flicker. Just like that...no wind, the other candle was perfectly still, yet the candle closest to Jillian began to shimmer, flash and dance, more like a firework than a candle. Jillian looked at it and with a huge smile on her face, said "Hi Mommy."
We all did. It turned from a candle in to a beacon of hope and faith in that moment, and then just as quickly, back into a candle. It was a beautiful moment, and too me, it shows the power of a prayer from the heart. This time, a little girl looking for a small token of hope or a re-inforcement of faith...asking a simple request of a wonderful God full of Love and Compassion, who does not overlook the details and does have a "perfect plan."
Thank you God, for I am human too.
Peace.
B.
The scene is dinner last night at the kitchen table. Myself, the Girls, Uncle Clyde and Grand Pop. A few days ago I taped some of Heidi's photo cards from the funeral services together to make a circle of her photos around a small sunflower arrangement on our table. this circle is flanked by candles to light up her beautiful face.
Jillian (8 y.o) asked to say "the pray" (grace) before dinner and so she got the honor. She said "Dear God, If I could just have a sign that Mommy is in a better place." This simple prayer left me somewhat astounded, as it was sort of out of the blue for her. She had not spoken with me about signs or directly about any of the events that we have been talking about around here. Clearly, she has overheard some of us talking over the past few days about "coincidences vs. Godincidences", as my Dad likes to call them.
After the prayer I told her...they are all around us Jilli, you just have to keep your eyes and your mind open.
Well, about halfway through dinner, one of the lit candles began to spark up 2, 3, 4, 5 inches and flicker. Just like that...no wind, the other candle was perfectly still, yet the candle closest to Jillian began to shimmer, flash and dance, more like a firework than a candle. Jillian looked at it and with a huge smile on her face, said "Hi Mommy."
We all did. It turned from a candle in to a beacon of hope and faith in that moment, and then just as quickly, back into a candle. It was a beautiful moment, and too me, it shows the power of a prayer from the heart. This time, a little girl looking for a small token of hope or a re-inforcement of faith...asking a simple request of a wonderful God full of Love and Compassion, who does not overlook the details and does have a "perfect plan."
Thank you God, for I am human too.
Peace.
B.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
An Anecdote from last week.
Hi Everyone.
I just wanted to share a story from last Monday night. Heidi was a beautiful, fun loving, strong, strong, strong woman. She fought until the day she died.
For the better part of a week before she died, she was in and out of lucidity. She would be coherent one minute and incoherent the next and as the week went on, she was spending less and less time with us. On the night before she died, I had the news on in our room with the volume low to help her take her mind off our immediate situation, and Heidi always scoured the news for any kind of hope. A piece came on the news about a "Flu Shot Soup." Which was a Vietnamese restaurant's culinary answer to the flu season here. In Heidi's mind, this story was a story about a just announced cure for ALS.
She did not hear the actual story, rather the story she desperately wanted to hear. She looked at me clear as day and in a strong voice said "Bill, call Amy, tell her that they found a cure. (*Amy was Heidi's Hospice Nurse*) SIT ME UP! THIS IS BIG, MY LIFE IS ON THE LINE." Lisa and I looked at each other, thinking the same thing..."What is she talking about???"
I realized she was watching the News, so I went to 9News.com to find the story that had roused her so. In the mean time, we called Amy and got her voice mail. I am sure it is a very strange voicemail. Heidi had not spoken that clearly all week except for just a few times when she was agitated. Once I found the story link on 9News.com I played it and asked Heidi if that was the story she had seen. She looked sad, nodded and fell back into her "other place." She died the next night.
I just wanted you to know that she never never never gave up.
I just wanted to share a story from last Monday night. Heidi was a beautiful, fun loving, strong, strong, strong woman. She fought until the day she died.
For the better part of a week before she died, she was in and out of lucidity. She would be coherent one minute and incoherent the next and as the week went on, she was spending less and less time with us. On the night before she died, I had the news on in our room with the volume low to help her take her mind off our immediate situation, and Heidi always scoured the news for any kind of hope. A piece came on the news about a "Flu Shot Soup." Which was a Vietnamese restaurant's culinary answer to the flu season here. In Heidi's mind, this story was a story about a just announced cure for ALS.
She did not hear the actual story, rather the story she desperately wanted to hear. She looked at me clear as day and in a strong voice said "Bill, call Amy, tell her that they found a cure. (*Amy was Heidi's Hospice Nurse*) SIT ME UP! THIS IS BIG, MY LIFE IS ON THE LINE." Lisa and I looked at each other, thinking the same thing..."What is she talking about???"
I realized she was watching the News, so I went to 9News.com to find the story that had roused her so. In the mean time, we called Amy and got her voice mail. I am sure it is a very strange voicemail. Heidi had not spoken that clearly all week except for just a few times when she was agitated. Once I found the story link on 9News.com I played it and asked Heidi if that was the story she had seen. She looked sad, nodded and fell back into her "other place." She died the next night.
I just wanted you to know that she never never never gave up.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
My Eulogy...
All, below is the eulogy that I gave yesterday for my beautiful Heidi.
A couple of notes: I have not slept well in days. I think prior to this, over the past 4 nights, I actually slept about 8 hours total. It wasn't because I didn't try, I just kept waking up and thinking about things...especially this Eulogy. How was I going to do this? Where was I going to get the strength?
I have tried to capture it with some notes inserted for you to get a better sense of the atmosphere, but I can't really tell you what it was like from the pews...
In any regard, please read this with love in your heart. We do have video of this and I hope, at some point, to post it on this blog so you can see it as well, but for now, just read it and know we love you.
Peace,
B.
====== Begin Eulogy =====
Bill: “I wrote on the top of my paper this morning “This is a celebration, SMILE!!!” with a big smiley face….”
I have something prepared, but I would like to revisit yesterday’s service for just a couple of minutes:
(Bring the girls on stage… )
“My girls, you Inspired me yesterday with your strength, please come up here for a couple of minutes…
“Everyone, Heidi, the girls would like to tell you something…”
Girls: “This is something we wrote with our mom…”Sedgwick Sisters we are Three, together friends we’ll always be.”
Bill: “Heidi’s mom “Nana” is sick and could not be here today and we know it breaks her heart”
Girls (look at the camera by the baptismal fount): “Nana, we love you, and we miss you.”
Bill: “OK, girls, you have lost your mommy, but remember last night, all those wonderful ladies that came up here to speak? They are all great mommies, and they will always be there for you.
Now, let’s try something. … I bet there are a lot of people here who would also be there for you if you need them. Let’s see… if we ask only the people in this congregation that would be there for you if you need them to clap, what do you think would happen? Do you think anyone would clap?
(I raise my hands to the group…All 500 or so people in the congregation clap resoundingly. Wow, but as if I expected any less.)
Bill: “Ok girls, go sit down, I Love you.”
Jenny: I was inspired by your comments last night too, but I would look ridiculous in sparkly high heels up here, so forgive me.
(The crowd laughs again, Thank God.)
Every good business man has a plan B. A couple of days ago, I asked my buddy George Hartshorne that if for some reason I could not do this, if he would come up here, bail me out, and finish this. George, I love you brother, but I will give you the day off. … Instead, I will do what I have always done which is draw my strength from you all. ===pause=== I have been over this material several times and I know there are some hard spots for me. If I need to take a moment, I would ask you to clap your support and just give me a few. I know I can recover quickly now. I also know that I don’t want to just “get through this”. I want this to be special and I know now…. that no one can do this for me.
So here we go…
If you know me, you know the suit was Heidi’s idea. I would have been up here in boardshorts, sandals and a T-shirt… probably something with a big fish on it. She’s been asking me to get a new suit for several months, I couldn’t bring myself to do it because I knew why she wanted me to, so I waited…
===Long Pause===
(The crowd laughs…thank God.)
I know what Heidi would say if she were here in person right now. She would have thought about all of you and she would have said…
“Bill, It’s 11 am on a Saturday during soccer season…did you really schedule this right now?”
(The Crowd laughs, Thank God.)
==Take a deep Breath==
To which I would try and say something charming like “Honey, I was only thinking of you” But I would actually say “Honey, at least I got the suit.”
(Bill raises his hands and looks to the sky)
“Really, I am not going to spend my time up here talking about Heidi and what a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, caring, funny, amazing, strong, fantastic, loving, passionate, genuine, gracious, stupendous, incredible, generous, supercalifragalistic woman she was. That would be too hard…
See how I snuck that in there, it was the only way that I could have done that…..
==Take a deep breath== (The Crowd Claps)
No, What I will do today is offer you thanks. Thanks for all the meals, the time, the prayers, the friendship, the love… most of all, the Love. It is what Heidi would have wanted me to do today.
And she would have wanted me to give you something back, a token of our gratitude, something that will lift your heart today. So that is what I want to do with my next words.
====Take a Deep Breath!====
I want to try to answer a couple of questions for you, questions that have been on all of our minds for the better part of 3 years now.
The first question is “Where is OUR miracle?”
Well, you probably know that in April of 2006, on the day of Jillians 5th birthday party, three and a half years ago now, Heidi had emergency surgery because she had lost half of her blood internally due to an ectopic pregnancy. When they took her away on the hospital gurney that day, things did not look good. I did not think I would ever see her again. In that moment, I prayed to God from my heart. “God, please don’t take her now.” I asked. And though I did not know it at the time, and of course you did not know it at the time, I bet that I prayed that request of God for all of you too.
Four days and several complications later, MIRACULOUSLY, we were on our way home.
So, where is our miracle? We got it. We got three and a half “bonus” years with Heidi, over a thousand days. Our Friend Kathy Murphy gave us a plaque a couple of months ago that Heidi loved, it has a prominent place on our mantle and it says ‘Each Day is a Gift.’ We received over a thousand gifts from God.
We received time to go to Hawaii, a place that she dearly loved, with our girls. We received time to ski, time to hike. Later, we received time to sit and talk, time to hold on to each other, time to sit in her lap or have her sit in ours, time to love. For her most of all, we received time for Jillian to grow from 5 to 8; Rachel to grow from 6 to 10 and Shelby to grow from 9 to “almost 12.”
I know it sounds strange that we all prayed for a miracle after we actually already had received it but I believe it is true and I hope you will too.
====Take a Deep Breath====
So, this leads me to the next question I hope to, in some way, answer for you.
“WHY?” “Why did this have to happen to our Heidi?”
Well, here’s what I believe. God knows better than we do what was best for Heidi. God has a plan and God’s plan is perfect. That there was something else, something more important for Heidi’s spirit to do than hang out here, with all of us. I have faith in that and it has comforted me.
A lot of times, this is a tough one for us humans to grab on to and we think about it a little more. What could possibly be more important than Heidi being here with us???
Well in the spirit of giving you something back, please allow me to “go there” for a couple of minutes.
First, as I thought about this, I remembered that God’s plan is perfect. Maybe God knew that the best place for Heidi to watch over and help her Girls was from heaven, not from here. Maybe she will be more powerful for them as a mom up there than she ever could have been here. This thought gave me comfort then and it still does. I hope it will do the same for you.
====Big Pause…The crowd claps…..===Take A Deep breath=====
“Ok, this is a tough one….
Second, Heidi thought about this too. She thought A LOT about it. One night, not very long ago, she told me something that made me smile and lifted my heart. Now, bear with me for one moment while I say that Heidi was an AMAZING mother to her babies. She went through labor with no help from drugs, she nursed them for a very long time, she protected them from harm and provided for them everything that they could ever want or need. She made this the true focus of her life and she was simply an incredible mother.
That night she said to me, “You know, babies die too sometimes. Think of all the babies in heaven that need help. Maybe God needs me in heaven to take care of all those babies that are up there.”
This thought comforted her in her darkest hours and I know that she would hope that it will comfort you as well.
These are just two possibilities. We can’t ever really know God’s perfect plan, but we can at least wrap our brains around some beautiful possibilities.
So, let’s leave here today with our hearts lifted, knowing that Heidi is free now to do the things that she wanted to do and let us be thankful for the “bonus time” we had with her. Time to do all those things and share all those thoughts and make memories that we never would have had a chance for. Let’s picture her more powerful than ever, looking down over us and especially her Girls. Let’s picture her loving spirit in heaven taking care of babies that need her. Let’s know that God knows better than us what was right for her spirit.
=====Take a Deep Breath=====
Let’s live our lives every day, thankful, strong and to its fullest.
It is what Heidi...
Heidi your friend,
your daughter,
your cousin,
your sister,
your mom,
It’s what Heidi, MY LOVE, would have wanted.
Once again, Thank You, and God Bless You.
A couple of notes: I have not slept well in days. I think prior to this, over the past 4 nights, I actually slept about 8 hours total. It wasn't because I didn't try, I just kept waking up and thinking about things...especially this Eulogy. How was I going to do this? Where was I going to get the strength?
I have tried to capture it with some notes inserted for you to get a better sense of the atmosphere, but I can't really tell you what it was like from the pews...
In any regard, please read this with love in your heart. We do have video of this and I hope, at some point, to post it on this blog so you can see it as well, but for now, just read it and know we love you.
Peace,
B.
====== Begin Eulogy =====
Bill: “I wrote on the top of my paper this morning “This is a celebration, SMILE!!!” with a big smiley face….”
I have something prepared, but I would like to revisit yesterday’s service for just a couple of minutes:
(Bring the girls on stage… )
“My girls, you Inspired me yesterday with your strength, please come up here for a couple of minutes…
“Everyone, Heidi, the girls would like to tell you something…”
Girls: “This is something we wrote with our mom…”Sedgwick Sisters we are Three, together friends we’ll always be.”
Bill: “Heidi’s mom “Nana” is sick and could not be here today and we know it breaks her heart”
Girls (look at the camera by the baptismal fount): “Nana, we love you, and we miss you.”
Bill: “OK, girls, you have lost your mommy, but remember last night, all those wonderful ladies that came up here to speak? They are all great mommies, and they will always be there for you.
Now, let’s try something. … I bet there are a lot of people here who would also be there for you if you need them. Let’s see… if we ask only the people in this congregation that would be there for you if you need them to clap, what do you think would happen? Do you think anyone would clap?
(I raise my hands to the group…All 500 or so people in the congregation clap resoundingly. Wow, but as if I expected any less.)
Bill: “Ok girls, go sit down, I Love you.”
Jenny: I was inspired by your comments last night too, but I would look ridiculous in sparkly high heels up here, so forgive me.
(The crowd laughs again, Thank God.)
Every good business man has a plan B. A couple of days ago, I asked my buddy George Hartshorne that if for some reason I could not do this, if he would come up here, bail me out, and finish this. George, I love you brother, but I will give you the day off. … Instead, I will do what I have always done which is draw my strength from you all. ===pause=== I have been over this material several times and I know there are some hard spots for me. If I need to take a moment, I would ask you to clap your support and just give me a few. I know I can recover quickly now. I also know that I don’t want to just “get through this”. I want this to be special and I know now…. that no one can do this for me.
So here we go…
If you know me, you know the suit was Heidi’s idea. I would have been up here in boardshorts, sandals and a T-shirt… probably something with a big fish on it. She’s been asking me to get a new suit for several months, I couldn’t bring myself to do it because I knew why she wanted me to, so I waited…
===Long Pause===
(The crowd laughs…thank God.)
I know what Heidi would say if she were here in person right now. She would have thought about all of you and she would have said…
“Bill, It’s 11 am on a Saturday during soccer season…did you really schedule this right now?”
(The Crowd laughs, Thank God.)
==Take a deep Breath==
To which I would try and say something charming like “Honey, I was only thinking of you” But I would actually say “Honey, at least I got the suit.”
(Bill raises his hands and looks to the sky)
“Really, I am not going to spend my time up here talking about Heidi and what a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, caring, funny, amazing, strong, fantastic, loving, passionate, genuine, gracious, stupendous, incredible, generous, supercalifragalistic woman she was. That would be too hard…
See how I snuck that in there, it was the only way that I could have done that…..
==Take a deep breath== (The Crowd Claps)
No, What I will do today is offer you thanks. Thanks for all the meals, the time, the prayers, the friendship, the love… most of all, the Love. It is what Heidi would have wanted me to do today.
And she would have wanted me to give you something back, a token of our gratitude, something that will lift your heart today. So that is what I want to do with my next words.
====Take a Deep Breath!====
I want to try to answer a couple of questions for you, questions that have been on all of our minds for the better part of 3 years now.
The first question is “Where is OUR miracle?”
Well, you probably know that in April of 2006, on the day of Jillians 5th birthday party, three and a half years ago now, Heidi had emergency surgery because she had lost half of her blood internally due to an ectopic pregnancy. When they took her away on the hospital gurney that day, things did not look good. I did not think I would ever see her again. In that moment, I prayed to God from my heart. “God, please don’t take her now.” I asked. And though I did not know it at the time, and of course you did not know it at the time, I bet that I prayed that request of God for all of you too.
Four days and several complications later, MIRACULOUSLY, we were on our way home.
So, where is our miracle? We got it. We got three and a half “bonus” years with Heidi, over a thousand days. Our Friend Kathy Murphy gave us a plaque a couple of months ago that Heidi loved, it has a prominent place on our mantle and it says ‘Each Day is a Gift.’ We received over a thousand gifts from God.
We received time to go to Hawaii, a place that she dearly loved, with our girls. We received time to ski, time to hike. Later, we received time to sit and talk, time to hold on to each other, time to sit in her lap or have her sit in ours, time to love. For her most of all, we received time for Jillian to grow from 5 to 8; Rachel to grow from 6 to 10 and Shelby to grow from 9 to “almost 12.”
I know it sounds strange that we all prayed for a miracle after we actually already had received it but I believe it is true and I hope you will too.
====Take a Deep Breath====
So, this leads me to the next question I hope to, in some way, answer for you.
“WHY?” “Why did this have to happen to our Heidi?”
Well, here’s what I believe. God knows better than we do what was best for Heidi. God has a plan and God’s plan is perfect. That there was something else, something more important for Heidi’s spirit to do than hang out here, with all of us. I have faith in that and it has comforted me.
A lot of times, this is a tough one for us humans to grab on to and we think about it a little more. What could possibly be more important than Heidi being here with us???
Well in the spirit of giving you something back, please allow me to “go there” for a couple of minutes.
First, as I thought about this, I remembered that God’s plan is perfect. Maybe God knew that the best place for Heidi to watch over and help her Girls was from heaven, not from here. Maybe she will be more powerful for them as a mom up there than she ever could have been here. This thought gave me comfort then and it still does. I hope it will do the same for you.
====Big Pause…The crowd claps…..===Take A Deep breath=====
“Ok, this is a tough one….
Second, Heidi thought about this too. She thought A LOT about it. One night, not very long ago, she told me something that made me smile and lifted my heart. Now, bear with me for one moment while I say that Heidi was an AMAZING mother to her babies. She went through labor with no help from drugs, she nursed them for a very long time, she protected them from harm and provided for them everything that they could ever want or need. She made this the true focus of her life and she was simply an incredible mother.
That night she said to me, “You know, babies die too sometimes. Think of all the babies in heaven that need help. Maybe God needs me in heaven to take care of all those babies that are up there.”
This thought comforted her in her darkest hours and I know that she would hope that it will comfort you as well.
These are just two possibilities. We can’t ever really know God’s perfect plan, but we can at least wrap our brains around some beautiful possibilities.
So, let’s leave here today with our hearts lifted, knowing that Heidi is free now to do the things that she wanted to do and let us be thankful for the “bonus time” we had with her. Time to do all those things and share all those thoughts and make memories that we never would have had a chance for. Let’s picture her more powerful than ever, looking down over us and especially her Girls. Let’s picture her loving spirit in heaven taking care of babies that need her. Let’s know that God knows better than us what was right for her spirit.
=====Take a Deep Breath=====
Let’s live our lives every day, thankful, strong and to its fullest.
It is what Heidi...
Heidi your friend,
your daughter,
your cousin,
your sister,
your mom,
It’s what Heidi, MY LOVE, would have wanted.
Once again, Thank You, and God Bless You.
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