Deleted post...

As I suspected, I deleted my angry post.
If you saw it, I hope I didn't offend you.
If you didn't, I'm glad.
A momentary lapse of reason in a time of pain.
I apologize.
B.

Update on the Hawaii blog

Hi all, there are a few updates on the Hawaii blog along with some photos from our trip.
Since a lot more people follow this one than that, I thought I'd let you know!
http://sedgtrip.blogspot.com/
Aloha!
Bill

Hawaii Trip....

Hi Everybody,
As you probably know, my blogging life started when we took a family trip to Hawaii January - March of 07. It was incredible.
Heidi's wishes were to be set free here on Oahu, and so we have returned here to our beach house with her remains and will be doing that next weekend. I am going to re-visit the Hawaii blog this week rather than posting here.
If you would like to follow this little journey, then I welcome you to click on this link.
See you over there!
http://sedgtrip.blogspot.com


Peace,
B.

Another amazing story...and a "Beautiful Life" in song

So, things keep happening that are awesome and amazing and special to us. About a week ago or so, my brother in law John posted a link to a song from a singer/songwriter that went to our school in Germany back in the 80's. I know that John has good taste in music and the song was called "Beautiful Life" which also struck me as relevant, so I clicked on the link.

As I watched the video for the song, I began to feel some pretty raw emotions coming through. I could feel the heart of the artist in her voice, I could hear the sincerity in her performance and I could immediately relate to the lyrics. The outpouring of emotion that I had was perfect for the time. This was only about a week or so after Heidi had passed and I was struggling a bit.

I re-posted and shared the link to her video on Facebook and figured that was the end of it. Well, since then, Jennifer Appelquist has reached out to me to tell me the story of her song. It is a great story and so touching to me. I figure that it will also be to some of you, so wanted to share it again here, along with her story so you can relate to it now the way I do.

Here is her note to me from earlier today.

=======begin Jennifer's Note======snip=====

So..beautiful life..the song..I felt I had to share because your experience is so close to the essence of why I wrote it..here it goes..

I have played music with a friend by name of Aaron, for over 10 years who lost his mother to cancer at 15. I never met her but even so she has touched my life in many ways. Aaron's father gave me a silk shawl as a Christmas present few years back that belonged to Tamara (Aaron's mom). It was a beautiful gift and one evening I was at home alone sitting at the piano lights off candles lit, and I threw on the shawl just because...

What proceeded to happen was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had songwriting. I literally felt like a vessel for her story. I thought about them and their love for each other as husband and wife, I thought about them dancing and laughing at a much more innocent time in their life..I thought of the pain involved in losing each other but the celebration of their love and beautiful life together.

I almost don't even feel like I wrote the song, it came with such ease and perfection both lyrically and musically, .. I feel like she spoke her story through me and I am so grateful for it.

She had this amazing red hair and lines like "he looked for her in everything pure and when shades of red filled the sky, he thinks that's her way of saying hey babe, I miss you up here tonight" just flowed..as did "she left this world like a butterfly girl in search of colors divine."

Anyway, I am not sure why I felt like sharing the back story, as I don't know you personally or your story except through your beautiful blog and the lovely John T, but perhaps this is part divine intervention and perhaps her way of saying "hey babe" to you :-)

It is a bittersweet song and I am honored that it has touched you. Listen to it as often as you like.

=====snip====end Jennifer's note to me========

I asked for and received her permission to post her note and a link to the song. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I do. If you know me, you know that I love music, especially live, original music. I have always supported the art and I hope you will share her music with those that you care about. The best thing for a musician is to be able to make a living doing the thing that they love to do and have been gifted with. I believe that Jennifer is gifted, and I hope she will be able to do this for her own beautiful life and make her living doing it.

Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrMup0Ynx5g

All the best...more from Hawaii.
Peace,
Bill

Fear and Parenthood

Fear is an interesting thing. A while ago, I said "Fear seems to have left me." Which is mostly true. It's not like I have shrunk from challenge in my life because of fear, but certainly there has been some level of it smoldering under my decision making canopy over the years, whether it be professionally or personally. Sometimes fear is healthy, sometimes it is good. Sometimes it can be extremely destructive or at least counterproductive.

Over the past couple of years, I have made a conscious decision to "not fear anything." At least not for more than a brief period of time, which may be considered terror anyhow, not fear. In the face of certain loss, you realize that fear is generally counterproductive. In the face of death, you realize that fear is useless.

As I pondered my recent trip to see U2 in Atlanta, a bit of fear snuck in...what if...a plane crash, a car crash...something bad might happen and then where would the girls be? Well, you can either be paralyzed by these types of thoughts or you can feel them and then let them go.

None of us knows when our time is up. I'm not saying I will live my life recklessly, for I know I have more responsibility now than ever, but nor will I shrink from opportunity, adventure, productivity or life in general because I fear a possible future.

As you probably know by now, I went to Atlanta, I spent good quality time with great friends, had a fortunate meeting on the plane with an ex hospice grief counselor and learned some great ideas, went to cool places, got in the Georgia Dome with 90,000 like-minded fans, got a pass to get on the floor (Fedexed in from one of Heidi's dear friends from college) and when U2 opened up, I was 20 feet from the stage. I held my arm up in the air with "4 Heidi" scrawled on it and cried during Walk On. By myself, yet surrounded, I felt somehow comforted in the throng of humanity and the warmth of the message that the song provides.

The Girls and I are all going to Hawaii. We will take Heidi with us and we will let her go where she wanted. A lot of you have contributed to this journey and we will live it. We will love it for whatever it is, and I will write about it too, so you can share it with us. We continue to thank you and to be thankful for you.

Peace,
B.