Saturday, October 8, 2011

Dissapointment and forgiveness

Thinking tonight...hard to sleep. On the eve of another Walk for ALS my mind is running through things that make it hard to relax and get some rest. Have not turned to write for a long time, but maybe this can quiet the mind.

To be dissapointed in someone is to be self-centered and judgemental.

There I said it.

When someone says "They let me down." Isn't it assuming that "they" needed to be or should be holding you up in the first place?

How can we be dissapointed in someone and be anything but selfish? Do we know what they are going through on a daily basis? Have we put ourselves in their shoes and considered that they might be going through things that are much bigger to them than your problems might be?

Some words have rung in my head pretty often over the past 20 or so years since he wrote them. I would say in hard times, when I am feeling let down or dissapointed, these words run through my head only second to the words of the Lord's Prayer, so Mr. Henley, you are in pretty good company, my friend.

"There are people in your life who've come and gone. They let you down, you know they hurt your pride. You better put it all behind you baby, because LIFE goes on. You keep carrying that anger, it will eat you up"

And then this...

"I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter, because everything changes and your friends seem to scatter, but I think it's about....forgiveness, ....forgiveness,
Even if, EVEN if, you don't love me anymore."

in a different stanza, this...
"I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter, because the FLESH will get weak, and the ashes will scatter, but I think it's about, forgiveness....forgiveness. EVEN if. EVEN if, you don't love me anymore."

Powerful words, I think.

Many of us know that the ashes will scatter.

At my 40th birthday party, many of my good friends were present. I was asked to say a few words, so some thoughts that were running through my head at the time came out. Given the stage, the occasion and the company I shared, I wanted to offer something more than a trite thank you. I wanted to make my friends think. I challenged anyone to tell me one thing, anything, that was more important that Love. I gave examples of things that some might consider, Friendship, Power, Money, even Food and Water.

Friendship: What is friendship without love? Nothing. It is not true and it can't exist.
Power: What really is power? The ability to exert force? What force is more powerful than Love?
Money: What good is money without love? Worthless and wasted on shallow pursuits.
Food and water: What good is food and water without love? Sustinence wasted on a husk.

My arguments were airtight (at least they were to me after a few glasses of really good wine.)

Well, one thing that might be more important than Love is forgiveness. I don't know. That is a tough one. Maybe you can never say that one is purely more important than the other. Maybe it is the time in your life, or the circumstance of the day that would make one more important than the other. Maybe they are equally powerful or maybe they go hand in hand. One never being far from the other or even not being able to exist without the other.

Ah, pondering heavy things at 3am. let it Time to sleep. Let it go, let it be. FORGIVE.
Good night.