Monday, March 2, 2009
The book I mentioned
Well, I have not been posting much over the last few days, as the time I have had, which has not been all that much, has been spent writing chapters in the book that I am working on.
So, I have had some trepidation in bringing it up here, but I have come up with a name for it and I have created a simple web site that discusses what it will be. In fact, though I have no idea whether normally a book's title precedes the book itself, it did in my case.
As far as progress is concerned, I have written about half as many words in the book as I have in this blog so far: about 9000. The funny thing is that in this story of ours, after that many words, we are only approaching our wedding, so roughly two out of 17 years. If you have been reading the blog and know how much content is here, then you realize that this might be a LONG book. I decided to tell about our life together and even a bit before we met, to help readers understand the context of where I was coming from when we met.
Heidi always says I was "homeless" when we met, which makes for a funny story, and is true in a way. I was not homeless in the sense that I was living under a cardboard box somewhere, but I didn't have a place to call my own because I had recently moved out from living with someone and had not found a roommate or a place of my own yet. I was bouncing between the apartments of some of my beach volleyball buddies and that was good enough for me for then. Anyways, I'll leave the rest for the story.
I do want to tell you the name of the book and explain it. The book will be called "My Finder's Keeper." The name came to me in a dream one night, or at least I woke up with it in my head In so many ways, H is my Finder. I have always been a wandering spirit in many ways and was somewhat lost when we met. My direction in life was set when she found me. That doesn't mean that I knew what I would "be" in that moment but just that I had found a purpose when she found me. We have been defining that purpose ever since, yet the definition is not finished and the story is not over...
As our life together has progressed, we have gone through so many stages of relative care and contribution to our relationship, but the bottom line is that now, I am her Keeper. It is my job, 100% to take care of her. She would not have it this way in a million years if she had a choice. In fact, she would be taking care of other people...our daughters, me, our friends, anyone that asked, really. It hurts her to not be able to do that, and to be the one that needs to be cared for. It is shockingly the opposite of perfect.
It also took me a while to understand that this was fully my responsibility. It is. There is so much help that we have, but no one can do what I do, nobody can replace who I am in this house, and I have to make sure everything is taken care of. This is very poignant and heavy for me. It is awesome in both the best and the worst of ways. When you are a father, you already understand what it means to have someone depend on you 100%, so I get that. When you are a husband, you don't really expect to be the one that is 100% responsible for the well being and care of your wife. It is a shocker when it hits you.
But it is OK. As I've said before, the bucket never comes up empty when you drop it in the well with a wish for love. And Strength. Did I mention strength before? Do you know what the well is?
Anyhow, I'm very excited about writing. I have no idea how long it will take me, or how much detail I will put in the book. For now, I'm putting in as much as comes to me. The stories, even after 15 years or so are fresh in my mind, the details take on a life of their own as my fingers flow across the keyboard. Right now, I'm wondering if I can really publish everything I have even written so far.
As I mentioned, I've created a web site about the book here: http://www.myfinderskeeper.com
It's a simple site, but it's a start.
Did anyone see Airplane? There was this ridiculous scene where they were trying to get a heart to the Mayo Clinic and it was beating by itself all alone in an ice chest and then it starts bouncing around the Dr's office. Right now, my heart feels like the one beating in the ice chest all alone, but I put it out there for Heidi, for my girls, and for you.